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Paramount Pictures "Make it like Arnold is his 30s, but if he was wearing a spray-painted Michael Myers mask.


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However, it would be unfair to say that the Terminator series never made a giant rubber Arnold before:. But here's the difference: Unlike Genisys , the first two Terminators seem to know that their rubber Arnolds didn't look convincing, because they used them only for very quick cuts. Warner Bros. This also solved a lot of dong-related issues. While I haven't seen Terminator Genisys yet, it appears to think that its terrible CGI Arnold double is awesome enough to prominently feature it in the trailer. There's a lack of self-awareness to the fakery. Now replace Schwarzenegger with a hulking CGI dinosaur shouldn't be hard and you see why people get so mad at Jurassic World.

It's not that the original Jurassic Park looks better because the CGI is better, but rather that the original film knew to hide its effects.


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  • With the exception of the extremely dated Brachiosaurus scene , most of the effects in Jurassic Park are hidden by rain and darkness. Universal Studios "Whatever, he was totally ripping off the guy that did Jaws with that slow reveal. Jurassic World , on the other hand, sticks the digital puppets right in our faces like it's a banana cream pie filled with teeth:. Universal Studios Dentist-Cam doesn't need to be a thing. And since not even the freaking environment around those dinosaurs is real, it's comically easy for people to notice that the effects don't look right.

    I mean Even Lake Placid did that :. The late s effects of a horrifically bad giant crocodile movie should have the lasting power of a snowball in my pants -- and yet even this piece of hot garbage had the modesty to quickly cut away from what little CGI they used. And considering that it's not inexplicably tinted orange and blue, takes place in a real environment with real splashing water, and is aware of its visual limitations -- I actually prefer this shot to the Jurassic World orgy of Mosasaurus eating a shark, if only because it understood that the presentation of the effect is just as important as the effect itself.

    I didn't care for the new, ultra-serious take on the laser-breathing dinosaur we normally call Godzilla. But, to his credit, director Gareth Edwards clearly knew how to present larger-than-life monsters as having the gravity and consequence that foot sea beasts trying to find a quiet place to bump nasties would have:. Godzilla, King Of The Cockblockers!

    How To Draw Krappy Kartoons Really Well by Geoff Kelly -

    I get why people liked this film, even though it's not what I personally wanted from a Godzilla movie -- which until now was always about stupidly in-your-face, unobscured monster-on-monster violence. That said, Edwards' sense of buildup and dread is exactly what should have been in the new Jurassic World -- a film trying to follow up a classic prehistoric monster romp with only 14 minutes of actual romping.

    Since having lumbering dinosaurs fighting world-fucking aliens inside a giant robot head has become so stupidly achievable, it's really easy for movies to forget how terror-shit inducing those things would be in real life. And since we have a tendency to constantly shorthand pop culture staples, it's only natural to skip over the awe part of a special effect. The time it takes for Optimus Prime to transform for the first time in each Transformers film goes from 40 seconds in the first movie, to 10 seconds in the second, to five seconds in the third. Paramount Pictures Which coincidentally mirrors the exact time used for creating each plot.

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    By the new one, it's easy to completely forget the spatial absurdity and scale of watching a bright red semi explode into a giant bipedal robot. We just sort of gloss over this mind-bending space colossus' shapeshifting dance until the action is reduced to a flurry of colors narrated by racist catchphrases.

    The original Jurassic Park spent minutes on the Tyrannosaurus' approach. When we finally see it, we spend another several minutes on the thunderous horror of a dinosaur tearing a jeep apart as it frantically tries to eat all of the characters on-screen.


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    • The Lost World repeated this in the scene where the Tyrannosaurs knock Jeff Goldblum's trailer off a cliff, and even dumb ol' Jurassic Park III spent a lot of time on showing us exactly how much of an airplane's ass a giant dinosaur would kick answer: all of it. Now look at this ungodly shit:. Sure, that looks pretty awesome, but destruction on that scale should blow our fucking minds. The response to dinosaurs wrecking a helicopter should be nothing short of paralysis, but this scene has no sense of gravity or consequence.

      There's no scale to it. There's even going to be a scene where minor spoilers a Pteranodon picks up a woman and literally drops her into the mouth of the Mosasaurus. It doesn't matter how real the CGI looks, because that scene belongs in a fucking Sharknado movie. It's an absurd cartoon orgy. And so that's why some people are saying that the new Jurassic World "looks fake": The CGI is powerful, but the people who made it clearly don't have enough respect for that power.

      I know I'm just quoting Malcolm at this point They really were so preoccupied with whether or not they could have 88 dinosaurs throwing exploding helicopters at each other that they didn't stop to think if they should. Dave can be found lurking aimlessly on Twitter if you're so inclined to say hello. Movies are never more unrealistic than when they're showing us exactly what a dollar can buy. Marvel has officially finished Phase 3 of their Phase Plan for intergalactic domination.

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      I agree to the Terms of Service. Add me to the weekly newsletter. Add me to the daily newsletter. Create Account. Link Existing Cracked Account. Ships in 10 to 15 business days. Link Either by signing into your account or linking your membership details before your order is placed. Description Product Details Click on the cover image above to read some pages of this book! Industry Reviews Packed full of practical techniques for encouraging young artists.

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      How to draw Krappy Kartoons really well

      Backorder On order from our Australian supplier to our Sydney warehouse. This backorder may take up to weeks to be delivered. Tracking is available for this item via Australia Post. Synopsis Product Details Delivery This irreverent guide to drawing cartoons offers tips and tricks from a professional illustrator to aspiring artists. Tips include how to work with perspective and shadows, the best way to stretch and squash physical features, and how small alterations can create unique scenes and characters. Endlessly encouraging young cartoonists, this instructive resource suggests ways to improve basic skills and unleash creativity through drawing exercises and examples.